Just another knittin' fool on a rant...

it's been a wee while. which, of course, means that things are good. never much to write about when i'm feeling generally happy and settled.

i got into the masters program; september i'll be back in school. today is day 14 of a trial living together experiment that D and i are doing. so far so good; i'm going home today mostly to force the issue of making it an official move in. i have a month and half left in my lease... better call the landlord. there'll be a change or two methinks... his bathroom needs some work and i can't wait to get my hands on the kitchen!

happy at work. a few staff changes has meant making some good friends at work, which is nice.

slight headache; very hungry. working on clapotis like crazy and trying to get it done by next weekend's end. which means i'm not doing much else... though i have finally got all my euro photos organized and need to print them off, once i can stand to part with the $250 it will take. good to be sorted though! it's been fun looking back on it all and remember some of the things i'd begun to forget...

next week is my birthday. this year i'm not feeling super pumped about it; not down (i LOVE my birthday) but not feeling like making a big deal. so many of my friends are away right now, my circle feels a little small. a quiet night with some friends and drinks, plans with D and dinner with the family, and then a day to myself... not too shabby, really. i'm just not feeling a big excitment this year. last year i spent my birthday on my own in prague and it was such an amazing week that i think i just can't really top it.

i have been knitting like crazy - only a few more christmas projects to go! - and putting together my masters application, which is now out of my hands. on the shitty side though, part of the reason i decided to get my stuff together for the masters was because DH was as well and i thought that if i had to do it at some point, that would be fun, but now she isn't... she's been staying with me for the past week after a final break-up and has decided that she needs a year to sort herself out financially. a good idea but the selfish part of me says boo!

still not talking to J, and haven't heard from her. sigh. interested to see if she acknowledges my bday and expecting that she won't. lying in bed this morning i realised that this all started when she broke plans we made for her bday back in july... can't believe it's been so long.

trying to figure out the proper protocol: C and R have been broken up for almost a year and R is back in town and wants to get together... is that okay? might put it off until C is here for christmas and i can ask her in person. she can't hide gut reactions.

recorded a song last week! D finally talked me into it by claiming he needed the mic practice. lots of fun. i did lead vocals, harmonies, and guitar, and he did bass and random noises. who knows, maybe i'll be a star yet.

me eyes are burning. too much cleaning and now i can't stop sneezing and sniffling. and there is nothing on tv. i think i will go to sleep really really early.

pppbht.

now i am really procrastinating - i am supposed to be putting in a good 90 minutes on my masters app and have so far wasted 45 doing... stuff like this.

i got a filling today for the first time in about 18 years. they still use the green "rain coat" and it still tastes the same. i got it after work and was so hungry when i got home that i made myself two sandwiches and tried to eat on the side that wasn't frozen. when i went to check out how much food i got on the right side of my face (the part i couldn't feel while chewing) i discovered that not only had i been eating my sandwich, but was giving my lower right lip a good chomp too, unbeknowst to myself. so when the freezing wears off i'm sure my lip will hurt as well as be red and swollen. sigh.

have been back from alberta a week now. so good to get a little vacation and meet all the appropriate people. felt really really good about the whole thing. it was a turning point - suddenly the anxiety is gone. whew.

hardly slept last night. woke up around 1:30 and every possible worry started to play through my head; the ones that aren't significant during the day, or at least that i haven't been paying attention to. nothing that really matters - should i get an RRSP? who cares?

i started thinking about applying for the masters. i loved school, and partly i'd love to be back in there. i don't fancy going into debt again though, and i don't fancy working full time and going to school. but i like the idea of being done at 30. and lately i'm really loving this job, which has been good for me after the last job that almost convinced me to switch professions. happy happy. but... i hate applying for anything. sigh. anyhoo, i'm tired today and don't want to make any decisions about anything.

what the heck happened to scoops and shakes?

so sleepy.

it's 9:30 am and i can't sleep in after a night of drinking. now that it's two nights of drinking i feel pretty rotten inside and out.

friday night was the fancy fundraiser; got all dressed up and went to the fancy hotel for fancy plates from halifax's fanciest chefs. each fancy dish was paired with a fancy wine, and by plate three i realised i was going to be pretty drunken and not feeling so fancy. and after all the hype... i don't think i would go again. it was lovely, but i really wanted a nice fat pasta by the end of it. the scallop was delicious, but other than that i wasn't that amazed by the tiny bits of pork and deer. but, it was a chance to put on a dress and watch my feet swell in strappy heels.

last night was a bit more my speed... D had his big bbq finally, and A had her going away party. the bbq got underway around 5ish, so by the time we headed to A's around 9 i was pretty soft on the edges. through some careful pacing and more than one glass of water i made it back to D's around 11 in time for a jam session that featured some very drunk real and not-real musicians. it was a dream come true: not only did i take part, i got the cowbell! is there any better instrument? we even played honky tonk woman in its honour.

tired. want to sleep but can't. i got some great compliments on D's johnny cash sweatshirt last night, so my mind's a-buzzin with new stencil ideas.

tonight i am bored. with nothing to do, i was going to get my hair cut, but they couldn't squeeze me in. so instead its ANOTHER night watching tv. bah. chatted with R for awhile; her love life is a dramafest at the moment with good ole J finally professing his love for her after all these years (true love or because suddenly he can't have her? like we haven't all heard THAT one before...), and it was the most exciting thing that has happened to me in the past two weeks.

had a panic attack on sunday. never happened before... was anxious and went to bed and then remembered my cell charging at home and started worrying that it was somehow going to burn the house down. finally i decided i better go home but didn't want to walk home and didn't want to pay a cab to drive me three blocks. after debating awhile i decided to run home, got about ten feet from the door, saw a bunch of kids on the street carrying on and ran back to the house convinced they were going to attack me. i had to ring the doorbell and by the time D opened the door again i could barely breathe. i haven't been that worked up in a long time. it was a ghost in the house that got me worked up in the first place... one that won't go away, turns up on bits of paper, boxes, old ingredients. needs to be cleansed once and for all... started with a "we" and then on to the clincher, a song. so who belongs here?

might as well watch a little tv.

it has been too long. i have been busy and yet strangely enough not doing a whole lot... but mostly want to be sleeping. is that wrong?

i heart my car sooooo much. i am getting more comfortable driving it after a very brave and patient D took me out and gave me a lesson. its an old civic, '95, and oh so classy. there is a wee pirate on the dashboard and some sushi hanging from the rearview mirror. i have been driving around with a sign in the back window declaring that i am learning to drive stick in the hopes that people will give me some space on the hills. there is a good chance that soon i will be a race car driver.

i have also been a craftin' fool. sewed up some super dark & dense curtains for D's bedroom (actually seems to be helping with the early morning cat alarm clock problem), made meself a reversible tote bag (pics to come), finished a pair of house socks (it was actually chilly enough to wear them last night!) and i am now tearing through a pair of fabulous legwarmers. am i a nerd? a cozy, fabulous nerd.

R came over last night on a quick trip from TO. good to see her and made me miss all my girlfriends all over the place. will take a trip to antigonish when L's back from africa again. and now i am off to email people and remind them that i love them so.

i just bought a car!! it is sitting in my driveway RIGHT NOW. i might not be able to drive it yet... but i sat in it and listened to MY music in MY car!!! yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!